The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
