I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
