I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize