i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
