By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Vodka?
Forever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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