This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
