Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
