she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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