I just saw a hot homeless man
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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