____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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