I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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