ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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