Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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