She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
