Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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