Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
