Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
