True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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