My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
