I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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