New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this will be a night to untag.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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