Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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