Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
