I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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