unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
