I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
