every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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