you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
