Soap is not a condiment
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
