DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
