Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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