Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
