I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
