Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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