He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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