You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Randomize