Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
