i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
