Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
