I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
