Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
