May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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