We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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