she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's Friday. Sex?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
