Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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