Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
