i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
