i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
