i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
