the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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