Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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