if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
