dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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