if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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