I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
