How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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