Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
