I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
