I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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