Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
