A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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