I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
