is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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