sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
