They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
