'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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