i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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