So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
