You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
