jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I want is dick and wine.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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