did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
