We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
