is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
