Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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