why do cheetos always look like penises
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
