he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
