he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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