after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
