Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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