there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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