Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize