Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
