Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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