if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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