last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
