you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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