I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
