haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
