my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want nice things and good sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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