I puked a lego.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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