I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
