you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
