Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
