what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
