This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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