DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
