Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
